February has been nicknamed “the month of love” primarily due to Valentine’s Day, which is widely celebrated by individuals and couples alike. People shower those who hold a special place in their heart with flowers, chocolates, small gifts, and cheesy Hallmark cards. The holiday places emphasis on the celebration of romantic love, friendship, and family.
However, one key person that tends to get left out of the celebration is arguably the easiest person to gift-give for… ourselves. In all of my years of giving cards to loved ones, giving and receiving gifts and flowers, and indulging in probably one too many Fannie May mint meltaways, I have never once stopped and given love and appreciation to myself.
And let’s be honest, loving others really is easier than loving ourselves sometimes. We hear the term “self-love” a lot whether it’s on social media, in television, movies, or books, or in our own therapy sessions, but what does self-love mean and how can we learn to prioritize and love ourselves a bit more on Valentine’s Day and throughout the rest of the calendar year?
What Is Self-Love?
Self-love is commonly defined as an appreciation for oneself. That encompasses a lot. The concept of self-love comes from positive psychology, which was instituted by psychologist Martin Seligman and places great emphasis on one’s personal strengths, positive emotions and emotional responses, as well as a person’s overall well-being.
There are many components of self-love which include, but are not limited to, kindness, support, acceptance, and persistence. To really simplify this, we can understand that self-love is just love directed toward ourselves, rather than outwardly expressed toward others.
Try to think of a time when you maybe didn’t do so great on a test, or maybe a work presentation didn’t go as planned. You may have sat in defeat and perhaps said some rather unkind words to yourself. On the other hand, maybe you gave yourself some grace and accepted the fact that not everything goes according to plan and we don’t always ace the test. Maybe you reminded yourself that that one moment did not define your character or your ability to accomplish your goals. That is self-love.
Being kind and compassionate is such an amazing gift we can give ourselves (and maybe some Fannie May chocolates to go with it).
What Does Self-Love Look Like?
When we show ourselves a little love, it can take many forms. Self-love is not a rulebook or a strict set of guidelines. It consists of behaviors and thoughts that lend themselves to self-compassion, and these look different for everyone.
Some of the more common signs of self-love are using positive self-talk (for example, “I’m doing my best” or “I’m proud of myself”), treating yourself with kindness and grace, and celebrating yourself in the wake of an achievement or accomplishment.
Now you may have read that last point and thought, “wow, that’s a little selfish.” GOOD. Be selfish. As David Rose once said, “It’s my turn to take a selfish,” and you know what, he really benefitted from Twyla’s yoga class.
Self-love is not a selfish act. In fact, it can be argued that it’s selfless and allows us to be more empathetic, compassionate, and patient with others. The phrases “you can’t pour from an empty cup” and “you can’t love others unless you love yourself” are rooted in the concept of self-love and our ability to take a moment to be appreciative of ourselves and direct kindness inward.
Practicing Self-Love Year-Round
February is one month out of an entire calendar year, and most of us show love to others year-round. The same should go for showing love to ourselves.
Something that has become increasingly popular in recent years has been self-love workbooks. These can be found just about anywhere books are sold. They can be very beneficial and a great tool for self-reflection.
If writing is not your forte and it sometimes feels like a chore, there are also many helpful phone applications that can promote self-love, assist with the development of self-care routines, and provide affirmations and quotes to encourage a more positive sense of self.
Other helpful practices for your self-love journey include establishing a self-care routine, setting and maintaining boundaries, engaging in healthy communication with others, and practicing mindfulness.
Research also suggests that practicing self-love can help promote a more balanced sense of self, aid in lowering stress and anxiety levels, and reduce feelings of depression.
A Moment for Yourself
Take a moment to reflect on how you are going to show yourself love this Valentine’s Day and throughout the rest of the year. Maybe you give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe you treat yourself to your favorite snack or beverage. Maybe you decide to take some uninterrupted deep breaths for five minutes.
Whatever you do, do it regularly, and don’t forget to tell yourself, “I love you.”
